20080826, 22:32

bleahs. didnt go to school~ nth to do at home though. so siannnn. zhenlu called and said missP wanted the ppt for history, so i on-ed the com to send it to her, and i ended up blogging. and now i wish i had gone to school.. im seriously effin bored at home. been texting ppl for entertainment, and thinking whether to go for band or not.. maybe not. they're having ss now. i think. dunno.

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wow. youre the first person who made me like this. because of you i lost my temper in school. ive never ever done that before. im sorry to be the one who made our friendship like this. youre not one to forgive and forget. i dont forget but at least i forgive. bout you and esther, thats btwn you and her. ive had enough of you accusing me of smth i didnt even say. however, its up to you if you want to believe. did i scold you? no. at least to me it wasnt scolding. if you want me to scold you i can. but i dont want to. you were suppose to be my best friend, but i guess we drifted apart this year. we started quarrelling more often, fighting over almost everything. the minute i said smth wrong, you'll get angry. i was always the one you got angry with the longest. even before i stead him. we started fighting so often that soon i got used to your ignoring me. so much that when we made up, it was wierd talking to you again. guess all that doesnt matter now huh? its like. about what happened. im wondering right now. if this is what i get for caring, then why did i even start to care in the first place. doesnt make sense right. if i care and you get angry, then theres no use in caring. i know i hurt you in the past, and that nth i say will make that seem like it never happened. i made you cry, i broke your heart. i admit. i did do that. and now youre doing the same thing to me. you lied to me too. you made me cry and you hurt me so much that i cant find any words to express how i feel. best friends forever? you saying you'll always be there for me? yea right. look at where we are now. me acting innocent? LOL. this is the only whatever you call it that we had that i dont blame myself. before this everytime smth like this happened i'll blame myself. hows that acting innocent. i never did anything to get anyone on my side. im just doing what youre doing. telling my side of the story. if thats 'acting innocent' then why're you doing it too? you dislike ppl who dont tell the truth? i dislike them too. yea. so technically. what have I said in the PAST FEW DAYS that was untrue? i did NOT say you were addicted. get THAT into YOUR bloody head. tsk. also, breaking up with him was MY choice. since when have i ever said i blamed you for breaking us up? i dont blame you. i blame myself for letting myself go this far with him. and anw, if i did blame you, i wouldnt be talking to you after we broke up. right?and breaking up with him was my choice. it may not make sense to you, not wanting a guy that loves me so much, but it makes a lot of sense to me. i dont wanna hurt him again. i dont want a one-sided relationship. and btw, isnt this suppose to be btwn me and them and nth to do with you? i know i made him very emo at first. but we're friends now. and im sorry to have hurt them both. anyway. whats your problem with my going with her? what on earth did she do to offend you? nothing right? why bring her up? isnt it my choice on who i want to hang out with? dont you have other friends outside school? if you can hang out with others why cant i? someone once told me. your friends dont control you, they cant change who you are. you are who you are and no one can change that. if they dont wanna accept you for who you are, then they arent really your friends. at that time, it didnt really make sense. but now, it slowly is. i guess we're just too different. one thing said means something different to each of us. our thinking is very different. too different. i dont see things your way, though i try to, but you completely have no idea how i see things do you? i have a lot more things to rant about, so much so that it could probably fill a book. dont wanna lose sleep over this anymore. we're on two different sides of an ocean. and no one can do anything to change that. im sorry for how this friendship turned out to be. but now its all said and done, theres nth i can do alr.

i'll probably not mean this in a few months. this is just getting everything outta my system.

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20080820, 19:59

20082008~
okayokayyy.. posting posting.
today after sch went to eat with sy jolene qy and zy
i hate my name now Dx lol
went back to sch
bussed to library with manda and zl
guess thats all
no mood for other things
><




to you:
im sorry bout everything.
im sorry i led you on.
im sorry i did all those things to you.
i guess things just didnt turn out the way we wanted it to
i know you can find someone better than me
i dunno.
all i can say is im sorry
it seems like thats the only word in my vocabulary
but that just doesnt seem enough.

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